The Driving Forces Behind Male Loneliness

Male is the stronger of the two sexes. People have this implanted in their minds. But if this was true, then why are there more men than women that committed suicide? 

Statistical Findings

One of the men’s ultimate dreams is to have their own house. One would feel giddy – almost like a girl who just shook hands with Tom Cruise – as he holds his house key. To him, it symbolizes happiness and freedom. Finally, he does not have to share space with his siblings or with strangers. In his home, he can do anything he wants and at his own pace. He can even buy a sex doll or spend a whole day in his birthday suit if he wants to.

The Driving Forces Behind Male Loneliness

Furthermore, it gives him an independent look. Being able to live on his own means he is capable and resourceful. Those things add to his manliness.

So it is a win from all angles. But that’s only at the start. The joy the man would feel will gradually deteriorate. There’s a caveat in living alone – you’ll have more time to realize how unforgiving life is. As research has pointed out, many men feel the pains of loneliness and solitude. Moreover, if things go out of hand, it can lead to suicide.

There are problems we cannot solve alone, and hence, we need the help of our companions. Commonly, these companions are our best or close friends. However, as a poll done in the UK found out, 18% of men do not have someone they consider a close friend. Likewise, 32% admitted that they do not have a best friend. From here alone, we can see why men are having trouble facing their problems. But lack of close or best friends is not the primary reason why many men commit suicide. It goes way deeper than that.

The same survey suggests that men are generally lonelier than women. However, they are less likely to admit it. This idea is reinforced by a 2017 survey made by Jo Cox Commission on Loneliness. In its survey- which included 1,200 men – many admitted they would rather keep their feelings hidden. 

Indeed, this is a peculiar behavior. Let us dissect the problem and determine its causes.

The Silent Epidemic

“Silent epidemic” is the term people made to describe the phenomenon of British men being reluctant at opening up. But what causes it? What makes them prefer talking about things other than their own emotional state? Also, why do many of them feel isolated?

Their Upbringing

Men likely got this behavior from the teachings of their fathers – and sometimes, even mothers. When they were still boys, their parents told them to be the “gold standard” man when they grow up. The said man is strong, confident, and dependable. If there is one adjective that would not suit him, it is vulnerable. Talking about mental health problems and being emotional is showing weakness. Thus, it is a no-no. 

When men show signs of vulnerability, they’d say something along the lines of “there’s nothing a real man can’t handle” or “Man up!”

The Driving Forces Behind Male Loneliness

Stigma and Toxic Masculinity

“Two men sitting in a hot tub 6 feet apart cause they’re not gay” – that’s a popular “saying” among people in the meme culture. It highlights how society views close relationships between two males. People think that men can’t be close unless they are attracted e to each other. That belief is wrong in so many ways, and that causes men to commit suicide.

According to a study by Psychology professor Niobe Way, early adolescent males in the US have strong emotional connections. However, as they grow older, the connection rapidly disappears. The distancing is artificial, as explained by Mark Greene of Upworthy. He says that as boys grow, they become more aware that their close relationships put them at risk of being labeled gay or girly. While there’s nothing wrong with being gay, straight men would not want to be called something they are not. Since they don’t want that to happen, they put a wide distance between them and their male friends.

That action, later on, bites them in the back. A man would understand the needs and the problems of another man than a woman would. And since they already have shooed them away, they would have no one to talk to.

Furthermore, it turns them into “autonomous, emotionally stoic, and isolated” people. These are three of the top contributing factors to male loneliness.

Lack Of Bonding Opportunities And The Isolation That It Causes

As stated above, most men have lost their strong connection with their past friends by the time they mature as adults. While they can forge new friendships, it is easier said than done.

Research suggests that it is easier for women to make new friends. They can easily bond with other parents they meet at their children’s schools or sports teams. All they need is to chat a little, and after a few days, they would be close friends.

However, male friendships flourish in shared extensive experiences. Examples of these experiences are serving the military, playing team sports, or camping together. And since they are busy with work most of the time, they don’t have time for these. 

Speaking of work, that’s where they meet their new friends. If those friendships end outside of their workplace, the feeling of alone coming back.

The Driving Forces Behind Male Loneliness

Sometimes, to beat the feeling of isolation, men buy sex dolls. You would be surprised to know that they did not do it for the sexual pleasure the product could offer. Instead, they bought the doll to add a human presence in their homes. It provides them a companion – something that makes them believe they aren’t alone.

Of course, men can also marry. A partner is usually our best confidant. But due to men’s tendencies to keep their problems to themselves, sometimes, marriage does nothing to solve their loneliness.

You Matter

Lonely men are already at a high risk of committing suicide. Losing a family member, a breakup, or unemployment can trigger them to take their own lives. If you are having these thoughts, please seek help. Many people are willing to hear you out and help you with what you are going through.

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